There’s got to be a better way: Caring for Infants

When I first heard about Resources for Infant Educators (RIE) founded by Madga Gerber while taking a Child Development class 2 years ago, it made sense to me. I had never even considered another way of raising/caring for an infant until I heard of this method. I immediately started researching the foundation of it and what it was all about. I was surprised to find that it was very easy in the sense that it felt so natural; yet in our current society it seemed to go against so many of the norms and methods parents were using.

The more I heard, the more I realized that this approach was a hidden gem that would change my view of infants entirely and help to raise my babies in a nurturing natural way. This ultimately would lead to more joy, success and skills in the long run. If I was to incorporate this method with my own infants I felt I would be allowing them to build skills that most even toddlers do not have and providing them with a foundation that could set them up for success for the rest of their lives.

I took the next step and bought 2 of Madga Gerber’s books and started reading. The material was so rich and incredible I couldn’t even go onto the next chapter without sharing what I had just read with my husband. All of her material made so much sense, and opened up a whole new way of parenting to me.  My husband even enjoyed hearing about her methods and agreed that it made sense to him too. If he was on board with it then I must have found a gold mine! I was so eager to tell others about her philosophy and methods, but to my dismay, not many people seemed very interested or eager to learn more about it. I realized it was mainly because our society and culture has created a mindset that infants are helpless humans that depend fully on adult care and without adults to care, teach and lead them they are doomed. What’s more, the RIE approach seemed to contradict the way almost everyone around us approaches infant care. This mindset seemed so limited and archaic the more I read about Madga’s philosophy and compared the two. The more discoveries I made about infants through her methods the more enlightened I became and intrigued to learn more.

For example, I had always wondered what to do about a colic baby, how to have “me” time without getting a sitter or putting the baby in front of a TV (which research shows could result in interference with brain development). I also wondered about getting any sleep at all or how to have the assurance that what I was doing would help my baby develop properly. All of my answers to these questions and more were answered when I read about Madga’s RIE methods.

I could go on forever about how amazing her philosophy is, but let me give you a glimpse of what I discovered, in hopes that you will start to think about the way you view infants, care for infants and the results of this approach that will cause infants to become self-confident, problem solvers, imaginative, explorers, creative, respected, communicators, and competent humans.

Sarah Amini

ABOUT RIE Philosophy; Mission Statement, Vision Statement, History: http://www.rie.org/about

Excerpt taken from Magda Gerber’s book Dear Parent Caring for Infants with Respect pages 1-3:

The Basis of the RIE Approach: RESPECT

Respect is the basis of the RIE philosophy.

We not only respect babies, we demonstrate our respect every time we interact with them. Respecting a child means treating even the youngest infant as a unique human being, not as an object.

At RIE we show respect, for example, by not picking up an infant without telling him beforehand, by talking directly to him and not over him, by waiting for the child’s response. Such respectful attitudes help to develop an authentic child.

Our Goal: An Authentic Child

An authentic child is one who feels secure, autonomous, and competent. When we help a child to feel secure, feel appreciated, feel that “somebody is deeply truly interested in me,” by the way we just look, the way we just listen, we influence that child’s whole personality, the way that child sees life.

Trust in the Infants Competence

We have basic trust in the infant to be an initiator, to be an explorer eager to learn what he is ready for. Because of this trust, we provide the infant with only enough help necessary to allow the child to enjoy master of his or her own actions.

Sensitive Observation

Our method, guided by respect for the infant’s competence, is observation. We observe carefully to understand the infants communication and his needs.

The more we observe, the more we understand and appreciate the enormous amount and speed of learning that happens during the first two or three years of life. We become more humble, we teach less, and we provide an environment for learning instead.

Caregiving Times: Involving the Child

During care activities (diapering, feeding, bathing, dressing, etc.), we encourage even the tiniest infant to become an active participant rather than a passive recipient of the activities. Parents create opportunities for interaction, cooperation, intimacy and mutual enjoyment by being wholeheartedly with the infant during the time they spend together anyway. “Refueled” by such unhurried, pleasurable caring experiences, infants are ready to explore their environment with only minimal intervention by adults.

A Safe, Challenging, Predictable Environment

Our role is to create an environment in which the child can best do all the things that the child would do naturally. The more predictable an environment is, the easier it is for babies to learn. As infants become more mobile, they need safe appropriate space in which to move. Their natural, inborn desire to move should not be handicapped by the environment.

Time for uninterrupted Play and Freedom to Explore

We give the infant plenty of time for uninterrupted play. Instead of trying to teach babies new skills while they play and explore, we appreciate and admire what babies are actually doing.

Consistency

We establish clearly defined limits and communicate our expectations to develop discipline.

Excerpt taken from Magda Gerber’s book Dear Parent Caring for Infants with Respect pages 1-3

“Why teach it, when they learn these concepts so well in an every day environment with an attentive parents? I think Jean Piaget said it beautifully: When you teach a child something, you take away forever his chance of discovering it himself.

Whenever you restrict an infant from doing what he could and would do naturally, in my mind you tell the child, “I know what’s good for you.” But you, the adult, do not know. For example, most children (not all), when they first go down stairs, go head first-they like to see where they go. Some people say it’s safer for infants to crawl down stairs backwards, and they teach infants how to go down that way. The child may become confused because his body tells him one thing and the adult another, and then the child may fall.

The way a baby moves naturally, when he does what feels right for his body at that particular time is always the safest. (See, At Their Own Time, and In Their Own Way, page 53).

If you teach something a child is not ready for that child may feel, “I don’t quite know what is expected of me, but whatever I do is not appreciated.”

I wonder if parents realize that taking time to teach their infant may deprive the infant of time spent learning what is relevant.”  Dear Parent Caring for Infants with Respect Magda Gerber page 12

 “Infants accomplish mastery by endless repetitions, continuing the same activity over and over again, long after adults may have lost interest. When an infant repeats an action many, many times, he is not bored. Rather, he is learning thoroughly about that action, making it a part of himself and his world. When he has learned it to his own satisfaction, he will move on to another new activity.

While playing, children work through conflicts with objects, other children and adults. Play provides an outlet for curiosity, information about the physical world, and a safe way to deal with anxiety and social relationships. In the long run, play serves children’s inner needs, hopes and aspirations.” Dear Parent Caring for Infants with Respect Magda Gerber Page 13

 “A baby can learn to spend time by himself. It is important for him to discover satisfaction and joy in his own independence. Children who have learned to rely on being stimulated, manipulated and entertained by adults may lose their capacities to be absorbed in independent, exploratory activities. Infants don’t need constant attention-what they need is to be safe and secure. Certainly being shuffled from room to room while the parent works does not build security.

An adult way of life is not a child’s way of life. Both parents and infants need time for themselves. Spending time apart helps make the together times all the more rich.”

Dear Parent Caring for Infants with Respect Magda Gerber Page 18

 “It is understandable that new parents believe that, if they can raise their children well, their children will live happily ever after. In spite of “knowing better,” parents dream of recreating “paradise” where their children never hurt or suffer or even have to struggle.

This desire makes parents provide constant entertainment, allow no frustration, and continually carry their baby around all the time. They may even feed their baby after the first whimper, without waiting to find out if the baby is really hungry. Is this a way to prepare for real life? On the other hand, can we expect a young baby to be able to cope with the many ongoing frustrations of daily life? How can a parent keep a balance between over-indulgence and not helping enough?

The reality of human life is that every child has to eventually separate and become her own person. This is a gradual process. Parental attitudes can make it easier or more difficult. To accept and enjoy the present, at every developmental stage, makes it easy. To try to push or interfere with natural development makes it difficult.”

Dear Parent Caring for Infants with Respect Magda Gerber Page 19

Here are Magda’s Books:

http://www.rie.org/categories/magda

DVD’s:

http://www.rie.org/categories/parents