Emotional Development

The healthy emotional state of a human is vital. How often do people over look an infant and child’s emotional development? The 2 areas of great importance for a child who is about to enter kindergarten is the ability to socially and emotionally cope. That’s right, not the cognitive (information processing, conceptual resources, perceptual skills, language learning etc.) which most would expect. But how can a child actually learn if they are not able to process much through a lack of skill to cope emotionally and succeed socially? The answer is, they won’t be able to take in much and will also struggle until they are able to master these skills. We often even take for granted how children listen to everything, what we say around (yes, around them, while they are innocently playing in the background or watching tv, they take it all in) children can cause them stress and anxiety if it is not filtered or appropriate information for them to hear. Adults must be more aware of what to do to encourage a healthy emotional development and also what to stay away from, that which may harm it.

In the midst of a toddlers tantrums or an 11 year olds tears, we must first check our own reaction. Children respond to how we react and if a child who just scraped their knee sees that you are frightened and shocked, their reaction will make it look like they are hurt beyond a scraped knee. When we non-chalantly take notice of what happened, comfort them with our words of assurance that “It looks like it hurts, let’s me get something to clean it with and then a bandage”, offering a hug or a lap to sit in while they recover. Allowing them time to cope with it with out a parent to hold them the whole time is where the ability to cope is formed. For each child, and their situation it may be different, but scaffolding is a healthy way to be there and let the child know you are there to help but that you also are giving them the space they need to support them in developing the skill. When a child comes to you in tears, validate their feelings, “You look sad that Daddy has to go to work now”, allowing them to find their way of coping (holding an item that has sentimental value to them such as a blanket or stuffed animal) and helping them notice their cue to move on, “It looks like you are playing with that car now, you look happy and ready to play and put the blanket away”. When a child is clearly angry, frustrated or upset it is important to again validate their feelings, and give them a way have some space,  and to calm down in a safe place. Providing clay or putty to pound/mold, or paper and pencils/crayons to draw how they feel (wether frustrated or sad).

These are some ways to help a young child who is in tears or clearly expressing an emotion, it can be slightly changed for an older child who is dealing with pain, sadness or frustration. Making a child feel ashamed for expressing an emotion is one of the most harmful ways to have them deal with their emotions. Crying is a healthy way to release feelings and comfort ourselves. It is hard to not give into a child or teenager who is crying, but this can harm them and make them think they can get their way by crying. It is important to validate a child’s feelings because they still do not fully understand them. Here is a link to a source that I find very informative in the area of emotional development. http://www.emotionaldevelopment.org/ We must inform ourselves so that we can help children grow an ability and skill that will help them thrive not only in childhood, but also as adults.