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Parenting can be very overwhelming as the responsibility is a huge weight to carry. One of the beauties of parenting is that making mistakes in front of your child is probably one of the greatest opportunities for them to learn a life skill. For them to see how you problem solve once you’ve made a mistake is a great learning opportunity for them. I hope this short article will bring some encouragement and take a little weight off. When you feel empowered as a parent and inspired that will translate wonderfully over to your children!
-Parenting Style
Know what you and your husband/father of your child’s parenting style is. It is obvious that having the same parenting styles is vital. Try to discuss this and define what yours will be so your child can have consistency.
Based on these dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents display one of three different parenting styles. Further research by also suggested the addition of a fourth parenting style (Maccoby & Martin, 1983).
The Four Parenting Styles
- Authoritarian Parenting
In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, “Because I said so.” These parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children. According to Baumrind, these parents “are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation” (1991). - Authoritative Parenting
Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents “monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative” (1991). - Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents “are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation” (1991). Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent. - Uninvolved Parenting
An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child’s basic needs, they are generally detached from their child’s life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children.
Source: http://psychology.about.com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/parenting-style.htm
-Family
Each family is unique and shares it’s own traditions and rituals. Define what yours are and make it an important staple in your family.
-Discipline Strategy
If you do not have a consistent defined discipline strategy then you will be left with a confused child who will test limits and engage in power struggles often. Also, know your child’s Temerpement, this will play a big part in discipline. http://modebayarea.com/2011/02/what-is-your-childs-temperament/
One of the most successful discipline strategies is Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson.
http://positivediscipline.com/
-Consistency
Children THRIVE off of consistency in their life. Coming up with a consistent day to day routine (with the exception of once in a blue moon when things are reasonably different) will help them feel comfortable and act out less because they will know what is expected.
http://modebayarea.com/2011/05/the-comfort-of-consistency/
-Development
Have a reliable resource that informs you of what is developmentally appropriate at each age. Reaching milestones are vital for children 0-5 and relying solely on your Pediatrician and or Teacher is not enough. Having the right resources to make sure your child is thriving will not only comfort you but also help your child be all they can be and experience all the joys of being a child and prepare them for adulthood.The more detailed resource you have the better, a lot of online sites that give you a checklist of what milestones too look for. They aren’t very detailed and therefore leave out a lot of vital information. You know your child best, so it is up to you as the parent to find the resources and seek out professional advice if you are unsure. If your child has any learning delays it is nothing to be alarmed by. Most children need support to help them in certain areas of their growth and development. It will not only help you parent easier but it will help your child thrive in life.
Here are some good resources:
Ages and Stages: A Parents Guide to Normal Child Development by Charles E. Schaefer and Theresa Foy DiGerchimo
The Developing Brain: Birth to Age Eight: Marilee B. Sprenger
-What Children CAN Control:
Children do not have control over much in their life and are almost fully dependent on their parents. Three things that they have complete control over is what goes into their mouth, what comes out and going to the bathroom and sleeping. When challenges occur with eating, sleeping and toileting, it most commonly comes from a power struggle between the parent and child.
Here are some links and books to check out on this topic:
http://modebayarea.com/2011/04/how-to-get-your-child-to-eat/
http://modebayarea.com/2011/03/toilet-training-advice-for-parents/
(With Potty Training most parents naturally pressure their child wanting the easy fast way to get their child to potty train. Most parents aren’t doing this out of harm but more so out of lack of knowledge on the subject. Children need to be emotionally, cognitively and physically ready to be bathroom independent. We must let the child take the lead and take the pressure off. Children will naturally build the skills they need to become bathroom independent if we support them the right way.)
No Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle ways to help your baby sleep Elizabeth Pantley
No Cry Sleep Solutions for Toddlers and Pre-schoolers Elizabeth Pantley
How to get your kid to eat: but not too much Ellyn Satter
Child of Mine Ellyn Satter
Your Child’s Weight: Helping without Harming Ellyn Satter
Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: Orchestrating and Enjoying the Family Meal Ellyn Satter
-Bag of Tricks
Have a bag of tricks set aside of activities that you will need on days that your child just needs something to help them calm and focus as well as learn new skills. Putty is a great tool for not only calming children when they are hitting or hurting others but also a great way to help them build their fine motor skills (which they need to strengthen for writing skills) creativity, imagination and stabilize their emotions to name a few. Here is link for a great putty. http://www.discountschoolsupply.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?product=25413&keyword=putty&scategoryid=0&CategorySearch=&Brand=&Price=
Activities:
Manipulatives
Pattern Blocks and Boards
Lacing Beads
Puzzles
Unit Blocks
Bubbles
Art (crayons, paper, paint, materials for art media, glue, scissors, stapler, hole punch, yarn, tape)
Music and Movement: Some good Children’s Artists- Hap Palmer, Raffi, Bev Boss, Laurie Berkner. Exposing Children to all genres of music and a variety of instruments is very important. Allow them to take the lead and respond to the music and instrument how they feel.
Developmentally Appropriate Books: http://modebayarea.com/2011/01/how-to-make-reading-fun-and-beneficial-for-children/
For more information about what activities/toys are Developmentally Appropriate go here: http://modebayarea.com/2011/03/is-this-all-there-is/
Here are two toy stores in the Bay Area that have toys that are developmentally appropriate, open ended and really lovely!
http://www.treehouseintheglen.com/
http://woodenhorsetoys.com/
MOST importantly, let your child PLAY. Take the time to understand what PLAY is to a child. It’s not them playing with toys freely all day long. Here is a resource that will explain what play means and how children learn through it:
http://modebayarea.com/2011/01/the-importance-of-play/
